spatz | (no subject)

As it is now 3:30 and I have been unsuccessfully trying to sleep for four and a half hours, I have decided to give up. Instead, let me tell ya'll about the funny thing that happened this evening. Apparently, it was a day for hilarious stranger incidents:

[knocking on door around 7pm]
ME: [opens door] Hello?
YOUNG WOMAN WITH PASTA SAUCE: Hi, can you open this jar for me?
ME: Uh, sure?
YOUNG WOMAN WITH PASTA SAUCE: I live next door, I was just trying to make dinner...
ME: [open jar easily, because I'm a massage therapist]
YOUNG WOMAN WITH PASTA SAUCE: Thanks! [runs off, literally, before I can ask her name]
ME: [closes door, starts laughing hysterically]

Kids these days, right? *g*

(Okay, she was like maybe three years younger than me, but I feel like an old old lady these days. Maybe I'll go over with some of the beer that survived the party and get her name, she was kinda cute.)

*****

The Big Bang saga continues:

Word Count: 8,843 / 10,000 minimum
Scenes to complete: 2
~~Montages~~ Segues to write: 2
Scenes to write wholesale: 1. Still the balcony scene. *sigh*

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If your life was a movie, this would be the start of something exciting. Possibly a thrilling adventure about the pasta sauce manufacturer's mafia connections?

I was thinking more she goes over with the beer and discovers that nobody has lived next door for ages and the house is eerily empty except for jars of pasta sauce and finds herself plunged into a ghostly mystery.

Or the residents of the house claim that no girl of that description lives there, or ever lived there, or ever lived anywhere ~~Cecil stop hijacking my comment~~ but I can smell pasta cooking every night, and my curiosity drives me back to peer through the windows, where to my horror I discover....

[...something. IDK, your turn :D]

A nice spaghetti dinner waiting for you?

...That's only horrifying if the spaghetti is ALIVE.

NO WAIT: THE PASTA IS PEOPLE.

Everything is people.

Obviously, she was investigating me for her super secret spy masters and used the jar to get my fingerprints! Diabolical!

Oh, I know what it was now! You are the Innocent in an episode of MFU, and unknown to you, there is something very valuable that THRUSH wants in your apartment, left under the floorboards/inside the walls by a previous occupant. I think it's probably one of those MFU microdots containing some secret engineering diagrams for how to build the Ultimate Death Ray. Your innocent-looking Pasta Jar Girl was a THRUSH operative using a classic distraction technique, and while you were boggling at her and opening the jar, she was getting a good look around your apartment and at the locks on your door while you write her off as a ditz. The old man on the bus the other day was Illya in disguise, scoping you both out. Soon you will bump into Napoleon looking suave and handsome at the bus stop or similar, and he will charm you into going out on a date. When you invite him back to your apartment for coffee, he will be excessively interested in your floorboards and wallpaper. Before you can even make coffee, Pasta Sauce Girl will knock on the door again, innocent and ditzy and wondering if she dropped her earring on the floor when she was at your door the other day. When you turn your back on her she will attack you, at which point she and Napoleon will have a good old-fashioned fight scene and hopefully not damage too much of your property. Meanwhile Illya has been following your sister in his old-man disguise and pretending to try to convert her to a deeply vague religion - he's hazy about the details too - when THRUSH attacks and he swings into action. Many epic adventures follow* and finally it turns out that the Ultimate Death Ray instructions had been stuck to the ceiling, but when, inspired by Pasta Jar Girl, you made pasta for dinner yourself, the steam from the cooking finally made it come unstuck, and it fell into the pot. Fortunately you didn't eat it, and because you hadn't washed the dishes due to being distracted by Napoleon, it was still there and Illya got it decontaminated and now it's safely in the files at UNCLE headquarters, the end.

* I ran out of ideas here

Ooh, I like this! I get Illya! *fistpump* :D

Also, this is a totally plausible episode. I'm just saying.